Chicken Pie

by I Was Once a Dinosaur

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The second full length album from I Was Once a Dinosaur.


released May 20, 2013

All songs written and performed by Matt Beauchamp & Isaac Crass. Recorded and mixed by Tom Ralphs of Dying Breeds at Douchebag Cowboy Studio in Kenninghall, Norfolk.



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I Was Once a Dinosaur Norwich, UK

Acoustic comedy duo from Norfolk in the UK. Please visit our facebook page for more info!

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Track Name: Welcome to Jurassic Park
I was once working in a factory
on minimum wage, I had so much rage
But then you opened up a new world to me
A world of bees and trees and grass and stuff
Now my mind is so free
I'm being exactly the person that I wanna be
Saying goodbye to society
and hello to a life of ecstacy

lalalalalalalala ei!
lalalalalalalala ei!
lalalalalalalala oh!
lalalalalalalala oh!

The sun is shining and the sky is blue
And I feel a lot of good when Im with you
Now the greys are gone and the sky is clear
All I need now is love and beer
Gunna grab my friends and grab some beers
Gunna have fun with the rest of my years
With no second thoughts, no regrets
We live life for ourselves cuz we owe no debts

You took my hand, showed me the woods
Introduced me to the homeless man that sells us our goods
You took me to see the white van man,
Drinks his own urine out of a cider can
We went to see sudam hussein,
his brother from another mother and lohis lane
You said welcome to Jurassic Park
a place where you can be as free as you wanna be
Track Name: Constipated
I'm on a date with this girl and she is looking mighty fine
If this all goes to plan well maybe one day she'll be mine
But as soon as I took my seat I knew that something had to be done
It was nothing that I could help and it was coming from my bum

I'm constipated, quite frustrated
and dont take this as exagerated
Because everytime that I need the loo
I end up spending an hour or two
squeezing out a massive fricken' poo

I said to this mighty fine girl "Do you mind if I use the loo?"
She said "That's fine, just do what you have to"
I felt sorry for her because she had know idea how long I'd take
I think in that time I took she must have had at least 12 fag breaks

And when I got back to the table you could she see was confused
I said I'm sorry that I took so long I was thinking about you in a thong

I'm like a woman on a period except I'm a man
and i like to think that if i want a poo i can
But lately it is getting tough and I'm feeling like I've had enough
so I'll leave you with this song now it's goodbye
Track Name: Nudist Camp
Well I'm feeling fresh
and I'm feeling free
Who needs clothes when you got a body like me?

If your feeling nervous
Then I got the solution
Nobody cares when you're all high on crystal meth

We are nudists
and we like our willys
to be on show
on a daily basis

Just because my balls
are on display
It don't mean that I'm totally gay

and if you like
What you see
Dont be scared to come over and talk to me
Track Name: I'm Not Gay (My Boyfriend Is)
I'm not gay, my boyfriend is
I'm as straight as the straightest roundabout is
I'm not gay, my boyfriend is

Just because I wear pink tank tops
Just because I wear socks and flip flops
Just becasue mean girls is my favorite movie
and I think Lindsay always looks pretty groovy

Just because I try my mum's underwear on
and I feel good about myself in a thong
Just because I like One Direction
Don't change the reasons why I get an erection

I'm in love with you, I'm in love with you
I'm in love with you, Isaac babe
I'm in love with you, I'm in love with you
I'm in love with you, Matthew babe
I'm in love with you, I'm in love with you
I'm in love with you, Matthew babe
I'm in love with you
Track Name: Cousin Lovin'
Well little Jimmy boy, when he was about 9 years of age
He started working on a farm, For just minimum wage
Also on this farm, Worked his older sister
He made a big mistake, When he went and kissed her

His father said; Son, theres some things you gotta learn,
you can't go kissin' your sister, or no wage, you will earn
If you really want a woman, who give you some loving
I suggest you go see, your little cousin

He's a lovin, He's a lovin,
He's a lovin, He's a lovin,
He's a lovin, He's a lovin,
He's a lovin on his cousin

So little Jimmy boy, he went to see his cousin
and boy was daddy right, she gave him some good lovin
She turned his world, upside down
And little Jimmy boy, was smiling like a clown

And when Jimmy told, his auntie
Well she wasn't very happy, she's christian you see
And that went against, everything she believed in
So she tried to kill Jimmy like that wasn't a sin
Track Name: I Hate You (Please Die)
I hate you like my liver hates booze
I hate you like hitler hates the jews
I hate you like ice cream hates the sun
and how foolish of me to think that you were the one

I hate you like an old man hates his wife
I hate you like a business man hates his life
I hate you like a chicken hates chicken pie
and with any luck, soon you'll die

I hate you, I hate you,
I really, really hate you
It's not that I dont like you,
its just that I really hate you

I hate you like zombies hate the living
I hate you like scrooge hates giving
I hate you like uncle ben hates aunt bessy
and you always left the house looking rather messy

I hate you like Apple hates PC
I hate you like my ex wife still hates me
I hate you like I hate getting STDs
and everyone knows you give them out as freebies

I hate you like kids hate the white van man
I hate you like America hates Iran
I hate you like a dealer hates police
and guess what, I stole your favourite fleece

Track Name: I Like Cheese
When I wake up in the morning
I hope that someone will offer me cheese
and if someone did offer me this said cheese
you know that I would say yes please!

I like cheese, cheese, cheese
I like cheese, cheese, cheese
I like cheese, cheese, cheese
Would you like a slice?
Yes please!

And if I don't get any of my cheese
I might just have to dislocate your knees
Because I would really like myself some cheese
and I would rather like it now please
Track Name: Monkey on the Loose
I was at the zoo
I was using the loo
When they made an announcement
on the radio

Monkey on the loose
and he's out of control
He's gonna steal you bananas
Monkey on the loose

Yeah, I like monkeys
Oh yeah, I do
But I don't like monkeys
When they fling their poo

And when he catches you
There's no telling what he'll do
He'll probably steal your bananas
and your virginity too!
Track Name: For The Dwarves
This ones for the dwarves
They dont obide no laws
they're dwarves, they're dwarves, they're dwarves
Track Name: Worst Day of My Life
This is the worst day of my life
Filled with nothing but pain and strife
I burnt my toast that I love the most
and I am not happy about that

This is the worst day of my life
I wanna stab myself in the face with a knife
My neighbours are having a fit
Because my dog went and took a shit
On their front porch again

This is the worst day
The bloody worst day
This is the worst day of my life

This is the worst day of my life
I accidently cheated on my wife
This girl took me into the toilets
and not to communial urinate

This is the worst day of my life
Turns out nothing else rymes with life
So the last verse of this shitty song
Has turned out to be a bit crap
Track Name: Gay You Up
So your telling me you dont swing that way
Well give it time baby, I will make you gay
With my raping skills in an alleyway

Gonna gay you up, gonna gay you down
gonna take you round this homo town
Gonna gay you up, gonna gay you down
And if you think you got a choice, think again

So you're saying that you dont like my willy
I'm saying touch it boy dont be silly
You will love it when I take you up the bum
Just trust me, you'll have loads of fun
Track Name: I Wish I Were A Woman
All my woman does is complain
Yet somehow she gets laid all the same
And all my mother does is complain
But I'm not sure if she gets laid all the same
But I don't wanna know that

I wish, I wish I were a woman
With a nice pair of boobies
I wish, I wish I were a woman
So men could take me to the movies
I wish, I wish I were a woman
So I could wear sexy undies
I wish, I wish I were a woman

And if I really were a woman
I'd never have to get a watch
Because there's a clock on my oven
and I could tell the date by the state of my crotch
Track Name: Chopsticks
chopsticks, chopsticks
i really love my chopsticks

chopsticks, chopsticks
he really loves his chopsticks

chopsticks, chopsticks
we all love our chopsticks

chopsticks, chopsticks
chopsticks are great
Track Name: A Beautiful Love Song
This is a slow song
A beautiful love song
To let you know that nothings wrong

This is a cute song
An adorable love song
That will hopefuly get me laid

Well you are bitchin'
In the kitchen
and that kinda turns me on

And it might sound silly
but when you touch my willy
I love you more than usually

Well you are great
and I dont hate
any of the things you do

But I must say
That I prefer it
when I'm riding you

I love it when
you say my name
over and over again

I like it when
you pull my hair
sometimes it hurts but I dont care

I dig it when
We do role play
And you make me pretend that I'm gay

You are gnarly
You are awesome
and you're also totally rad

And if you find this song slightly offensive
Please know I wrote it with the best intentions
Nothing more and nothing less
Than to see you take off that dress
Track Name: Heartbroken
Take my hand, we'll make it I swear
And we can go just about anywhere
Not literaly, you know of course
Because I blew all my money betting on a horse

Lets pack our bags and leave today
Forget everything, let's run away

So we ran away together, across the lands
Skipping through buttercups and daisies while holding hands
Everything was perfect while it lasted for about two years
Then something happened that was featured in my list of top fears

She said that she thinks that were not working out
I dont know what the hell that she was on about

I'm heartbroken,
Can't be fixed and never will be
Got no reason,
left to stay here by myself
This is all I,
Never wanted myself to be
And now I leave you,
with the fact that I'm heartbroken

So I ran away by myself, across the lands
Running through buttercups and daisies while dreaming of her hands
How much I wish that they would be back, holding mine
But I guess some things are just not ment to be and thats just fine

So I'm standing here by myself
Wishing that I was somebody else

Endless nights of counting thousands of sheep
No matter how many I counted I never got no sleep
Suicidal contemplations running through my head
Sometimes I think that maybe I would just be better off dead

This will be my last request
For as long as you live I hope your miserable at best

And I hope my dear, that you know its all your fault.
Track Name: The Age of Man is Over (The Time of Acoustic Comedy Has Come)
We've come to the end, of another era
We've come to the end, of our time
We've come to the end, of another era
We've come to the end, of our time

We've been to see the white van man
We've been to the deserts of Iran
We've been to see Jurassic Park
And trust is us, that we made our mark

In the kitchen, acting so womanly
And rainbows, we did eventually see
We took lots of drugs on christmas day
and confessed our love but were still not gay

We've played many various drinking games
and got so wrecked that we forgot our names
We've had the worst day of our life
and chased people home with a kitchen knife

We went to visit a cheese factory
But Matt needed a poo so we left early
He had some troubles being constipated
and this made Isaac quite frustrated