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Chicken Pie

by I Was Once a Dinosaur

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1.
I was once working in a factory on minimum wage, I had so much rage But then you opened up a new world to me A world of bees and trees and grass and stuff Now my mind is so free I'm being exactly the person that I wanna be Saying goodbye to society and hello to a life of ecstacy lalalalalalalala ei! lalalalalalalala ei! lalalalalalalala oh! lalalalalalalala oh! The sun is shining and the sky is blue And I feel a lot of good when Im with you Now the greys are gone and the sky is clear All I need now is love and beer Gunna grab my friends and grab some beers Gunna have fun with the rest of my years With no second thoughts, no regrets We live life for ourselves cuz we owe no debts You took my hand, showed me the woods Introduced me to the homeless man that sells us our goods You took me to see the white van man, Drinks his own urine out of a cider can We went to see sudam hussein, his brother from another mother and lohis lane You said welcome to Jurassic Park a place where you can be as free as you wanna be
2.
Constipated 02:09
I'm on a date with this girl and she is looking mighty fine If this all goes to plan well maybe one day she'll be mine But as soon as I took my seat I knew that something had to be done It was nothing that I could help and it was coming from my bum I'm constipated, quite frustrated and dont take this as exagerated Because everytime that I need the loo I end up spending an hour or two squeezing out a massive fricken' poo I said to this mighty fine girl "Do you mind if I use the loo?" She said "That's fine, just do what you have to" I felt sorry for her because she had know idea how long I'd take I think in that time I took she must have had at least 12 fag breaks And when I got back to the table you could she see was confused I said I'm sorry that I took so long I was thinking about you in a thong I'm like a woman on a period except I'm a man and i like to think that if i want a poo i can But lately it is getting tough and I'm feeling like I've had enough so I'll leave you with this song now it's goodbye
3.
Nudist Camp 02:02
Well I'm feeling fresh and I'm feeling free Who needs clothes when you got a body like me? If your feeling nervous Then I got the solution Nobody cares when you're all high on crystal meth We are nudists and we like our willys to be on show on a daily basis Just because my balls are on display It don't mean that I'm totally gay and if you like What you see Dont be scared to come over and talk to me
4.
I'm not gay, my boyfriend is I'm as straight as the straightest roundabout is I'm not gay, my boyfriend is Just because I wear pink tank tops Just because I wear socks and flip flops Just becasue mean girls is my favorite movie and I think Lindsay always looks pretty groovy Just because I try my mum's underwear on and I feel good about myself in a thong Just because I like One Direction Don't change the reasons why I get an erection I'm in love with you, I'm in love with you I'm in love with you, Isaac babe I'm in love with you, I'm in love with you I'm in love with you, Matthew babe I'm in love with you, I'm in love with you I'm in love with you, Matthew babe I'm in love with you
5.
Well little Jimmy boy, when he was about 9 years of age He started working on a farm, For just minimum wage Also on this farm, Worked his older sister He made a big mistake, When he went and kissed her His father said; Son, theres some things you gotta learn, you can't go kissin' your sister, or no wage, you will earn If you really want a woman, who give you some loving I suggest you go see, your little cousin He's a lovin, He's a lovin, He's a lovin, He's a lovin, He's a lovin, He's a lovin, He's a lovin on his cousin So little Jimmy boy, he went to see his cousin and boy was daddy right, she gave him some good lovin She turned his world, upside down And little Jimmy boy, was smiling like a clown And when Jimmy told, his auntie Well she wasn't very happy, she's christian you see And that went against, everything she believed in So she tried to kill Jimmy like that wasn't a sin
6.
I hate you like my liver hates booze I hate you like hitler hates the jews I hate you like ice cream hates the sun and how foolish of me to think that you were the one I hate you like an old man hates his wife I hate you like a business man hates his life I hate you like a chicken hates chicken pie and with any luck, soon you'll die I hate you, I hate you, I really, really hate you It's not that I dont like you, its just that I really hate you I hate you like zombies hate the living I hate you like scrooge hates giving I hate you like uncle ben hates aunt bessy and you always left the house looking rather messy I hate you like Apple hates PC I hate you like my ex wife still hates me I hate you like I hate getting STDs and everyone knows you give them out as freebies I hate you like kids hate the white van man I hate you like America hates Iran I hate you like a dealer hates police and guess what, I stole your favourite fleece hahahahahaha hohohohohoho
7.
When I wake up in the morning I hope that someone will offer me cheese and if someone did offer me this said cheese you know that I would say yes please! I like cheese, cheese, cheese I like cheese, cheese, cheese I like cheese, cheese, cheese Would you like a slice? Yes please! And if I don't get any of my cheese I might just have to dislocate your knees Because I would really like myself some cheese and I would rather like it now please
8.
I was at the zoo I was using the loo When they made an announcement on the radio Monkey on the loose and he's out of control He's gonna steal you bananas Monkey on the loose Yeah, I like monkeys Oh yeah, I do But I don't like monkeys When they fling their poo And when he catches you There's no telling what he'll do He'll probably steal your bananas and your virginity too!
9.
This ones for the dwarves They dont obide no laws they're dwarves, they're dwarves, they're dwarves
10.
This is the worst day of my life Filled with nothing but pain and strife I burnt my toast that I love the most and I am not happy about that This is the worst day of my life I wanna stab myself in the face with a knife My neighbours are having a fit Because my dog went and took a shit On their front porch again This is the worst day The bloody worst day This is the worst day of my life This is the worst day of my life I accidently cheated on my wife This girl took me into the toilets and not to communial urinate This is the worst day of my life Turns out nothing else rymes with life So the last verse of this shitty song Has turned out to be a bit crap
11.
Gay You Up 01:52
So your telling me you dont swing that way Well give it time baby, I will make you gay With my raping skills in an alleyway Gonna gay you up, gonna gay you down gonna take you round this homo town Gonna gay you up, gonna gay you down And if you think you got a choice, think again So you're saying that you dont like my willy I'm saying touch it boy dont be silly You will love it when I take you up the bum Just trust me, you'll have loads of fun
12.
All my woman does is complain Yet somehow she gets laid all the same And all my mother does is complain But I'm not sure if she gets laid all the same But I don't wanna know that I wish, I wish I were a woman With a nice pair of boobies I wish, I wish I were a woman So men could take me to the movies I wish, I wish I were a woman So I could wear sexy undies I wish, I wish I were a woman And if I really were a woman I'd never have to get a watch Because there's a clock on my oven and I could tell the date by the state of my crotch
13.
Chopsticks 00:25
chopsticks, chopsticks i really love my chopsticks chopsticks, chopsticks he really loves his chopsticks chopsticks, chopsticks we all love our chopsticks chopsticks, chopsticks chopsticks are great
14.
This is a slow song A beautiful love song To let you know that nothings wrong This is a cute song An adorable love song That will hopefuly get me laid Well you are bitchin' In the kitchen and that kinda turns me on And it might sound silly but when you touch my willy I love you more than usually Well you are great and I dont hate any of the things you do But I must say That I prefer it when I'm riding you I love it when you say my name over and over again I like it when you pull my hair sometimes it hurts but I dont care I dig it when We do role play And you make me pretend that I'm gay You are gnarly You are awesome and you're also totally rad And if you find this song slightly offensive Please know I wrote it with the best intentions Nothing more and nothing less Than to see you take off that dress
15.
Heartbroken 03:40
Take my hand, we'll make it I swear And we can go just about anywhere Not literaly, you know of course Because I blew all my money betting on a horse Lets pack our bags and leave today Forget everything, let's run away So we ran away together, across the lands Skipping through buttercups and daisies while holding hands Everything was perfect while it lasted for about two years Then something happened that was featured in my list of top fears She said that she thinks that were not working out I dont know what the hell that she was on about I'm heartbroken, Can't be fixed and never will be Got no reason, left to stay here by myself This is all I, Never wanted myself to be And now I leave you, with the fact that I'm heartbroken So I ran away by myself, across the lands Running through buttercups and daisies while dreaming of her hands How much I wish that they would be back, holding mine But I guess some things are just not ment to be and thats just fine So I'm standing here by myself Wishing that I was somebody else Endless nights of counting thousands of sheep No matter how many I counted I never got no sleep Suicidal contemplations running through my head Sometimes I think that maybe I would just be better off dead This will be my last request For as long as you live I hope your miserable at best And I hope my dear, that you know its all your fault.
16.
We've come to the end, of another era We've come to the end, of our time We've come to the end, of another era We've come to the end, of our time We've been to see the white van man We've been to the deserts of Iran We've been to see Jurassic Park And trust is us, that we made our mark In the kitchen, acting so womanly And rainbows, we did eventually see We took lots of drugs on christmas day and confessed our love but were still not gay We've played many various drinking games and got so wrecked that we forgot our names We've had the worst day of our life and chased people home with a kitchen knife We went to visit a cheese factory But Matt needed a poo so we left early He had some troubles being constipated and this made Isaac quite frustrated

about

The second full length album from I Was Once a Dinosaur.

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released May 20, 2013

All songs written and performed by Matt Beauchamp & Isaac Crass. Recorded and mixed by Tom Ralphs of Dying Breeds at Douchebag Cowboy Studio in Kenninghall, Norfolk.

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I Was Once a Dinosaur Norwich, UK

Acoustic comedy duo from Norfolk in the UK. Please visit our facebook page for more info! www.facebook.com/iwoad

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